Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Love Juice
by Kenshin's Girl
Summary: Hermione finds a secret potion hidden deep within Hogwarts, and uses it on... well, let's not give away the ending. I am selective with readers!!! Only upbeat, open minded, CRAZY people should read this fic. This is a Badfic; meaning stupidity with a r


Hey all you Harry Potter freakz out there. You know who you are, yeah the ones that started foaming from the mouth as soon as you found out there was gonna be a good ol' 'arry movie. Just if your wondering, this is a Badfic. Seriously, I'm not trying to get attention by saying "Oh my fic sucks, but I'm gonna post it anywayz, so review my story!" It's under the Badfic category, meaning it sucks on purpose! Don't take this too seriously, cuz if you do, you'll probably just end up getting pissed. Oh well here goez...  
  
Harry Potter and the Hogwart's Love Juice  
  
"Hey you guys!" Harry said as he ran down the stairs from the men's room, trying to untuck his robes from the front of his fly, trying to go to the bathroom in a full wizards outfit was hard!!!  
  
"Hey dude!" Ron said jumping out of the couch he was sitting in and pulled the rest of Harry's robe out of the back of his pants, getting a slight glimpse of Harry's all cotton briefs from his slightly loose pants, and blushing. Ron was poor and could not afford many nice things, but Harry's underwear were just ghetto.  
  
"Harry I..." Ron started but was interrupted by George giving him a huge wedgie. "Brothers!" Ron mumbled under his breath, as the horrific sensation of underwear pulling him in half stung through his groin. George put his brother back on the ground and gave Fred a high five as they pulled out their skateboards and rolled out of the Gryffindor's common room.  
  
Hermione crossed the room, nose stuck in a book, reading silently and glanced at Harry, quickly looking back down at her book. She had covered it with a brown paper bag that she got when she was buying tampons at a Muggle store, to hide the true cover of the book. On the outside of the brown book read "Great Witches of the 16th Century", but underneath was the real title, "Six Hundred and Sixty Six Ways too Make Him Fall for You" written by the Spice Girls. Little did anyone know, but the Spice Girls were one of the greatest group of Dark Witches since Voldemort. Since Geri's magical boob job (done by Mel B, or now Mel G) went wrong, she left the coven and their powers have since deteriorated.  
  
Hermione fancied Harry, and she was going to find a way to make him love her. She almost stopped dead in her tracks when she read the next line that was written in the book. "For more Girl Power, call on the most potent love spell ever created by a feminist-witch (Girl Power!!! Feminism rulez!!!), located deep in the bowels of the school located in England. The HOGWARTS LOVE JUICE!!!!"  
  
"Amen!" Hermione breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Harry would finally be her one and only. She only had to find out more about this "Love Juice". "To the Library!!!" She yelled to her imaginary friend as she strapped on her rollerblades and glided out of the common room, almost tripping over Scabbers as she exited.  
  
Frantically, Ron ran over to Scabbers, who was doing a little jig over one of his books. He sighed and hit his forehead, "See what watching too much Riverdance will do to you? Fred and George were watching it and decided to enchant Scabbers to do it too!!! Look at his face! He wants to sleep but his feet won't quit moving!"  
  
Meanwhile, Ginny sat in a lonely corner, reading a mysterious note from a secret admirer. Under the note was a book, the cover to old and dust-eaten to be able to read. But she read the note first and her cheeks flushed red, almost as read as her whole family put together. It went as follows:  
  
My Endless Love Ginny,  
  
How art thee? I loveth thee. Doth thou seeth in thou heart to loveth someone besideith that prick, Harry Potty... er... Harry Potter? I wanted to giveth thee this bookith as a token of my appreciation for thine beauty. Please readith and studyith carefully, (the pictures are especially handy) and let me know what thou thinkest. Thankith much.  
  
Your Cauldron Cake,  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
Ginny couldn't believe her luck!!! Draco was writing her confessing his love! Curious, she opened the book slightly and blushed, all the blood rushing to her face, making her hands shake with excitement. Draco had sent her an Early Edition of Karma Sutra, including pictures of how to perform the moves, and where the strangers faces were, there was pictures of Draco's and Ginny's heads. They really looked like they were having fun, Draco kept winking from within the picture and Ginny's grin gave away her true feelings. The people under their pictures did not seem to be to happy about their faces being covered up, but they still preformed their complicated moves, making the real Ginny grin stupidly.  
  
With the treasure in her hand she ran up the stairs to the Girl's Dormitory, knowing she would study harder than she had ever for any test.  
  
Sitting in a lonely corner, slowly gathering cobwebs in her already bushy hair, Hermione stuck her grungy little nose in Hogwarts, A History, as she often did once or twice... A minute... Everyday. But this time a feature she had been to blind to notice before, stood out. A little shred of paper stood out from one of it's many pictures. Curiously, she pulled the tab out, and to her surprise the book completely change. It now read things only the most devious students in the school would want to know.  
  
"This is soooooooo, like totally cool!!!" Hermione said as she pulled a large strand of her hair out of her head. Blushing slightly she held up the hair to her scalp and muttered "Repairo!!!" as she pointed her wand towards the broken hair. It attached itself again though slightly bushier than usual (explaining the ever present fuzz that is know as Hermione's hair....). Returning once again to her newly formed book, she searched in the new index and found what she was looking for.  
  
"Harry will worship me!!!" Hermione muttered under her stank, odiferous breath. Standing up quickly, she made a rather rude noise indeed. Heads turned in all directions, and she shrugged her shoulders. "What? It was the chair... I swear!!!"  
  
Yeah, now you know the true definition of a BADFIC!!! I hope you laughed your ass off... I know, really, I should put my creative energy somewhere else, but I can't help myself... sometimes you gotta poke fun of the things you love the most!!! Really if you want to read a great story, I know one that really makes my heart melt, BUT YOU JUST GOTTA FIND IT YOURSELF!!! Wait for chapter 2!!! If I get reviews, I'll post it. If I don't get reviews, I'll post it ANYWAY!!! 


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